I loooove . . .

My almost husband. I do. I intend to love him the rest of my life, even if it kills me :)

BUT, I hate it when he's gone. And, sometimes, when he's gone, I get really mad at him. Really mad. Sometimes just because I miss him, sometimes, like now, because something happens and I need him, but he's not here. I end up going through stuff all alone, even though I'm not supposed to have to now that I have him. It makes you kind of resentful and, well, mad.

I am reading a book about a couple that is separated by world war II right after they're married. It talks about, from the husbands perspective, how instead of growing together to fill eachother, they must each grow straight to be sure they still fit together when he gets home. I think that's interesting. When someone goes away for that long, part of you has to close itself off to them to make it, you have to make yourself not need them as much, while in a healthy relationship one of the things you're supposed to do IS need eachother. It's scary to think sometimes that I may get to used to not having Todd around.

I don't think that's actually going to happen. Five minutes after he's home again I KNOW that's never going to happen. But, still, it gives me a lot to think about while he's gone.